


Refuge from the Agony

by ReyandKnight



Series: Dreams Return to Life [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Disparate Pieces Come Together, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Two Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9863543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyandKnight/pseuds/ReyandKnight
Summary: For as long as they've both existed, they've been connected to each other, giving each other comfort and refuge. She chased away his nightmares, he held her through her loneliness. They've watched each other grow, a lifetime of memories made as they dreamed, only to be forgotten as soon as they'd wake up, never to recognize the faces in their dreams, until they meet.





	1. Find You in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the recent revelations from Empire's End as well as a brilliant meta/speculation by geminiwankenobi on tumblr.

He’s a day old, and he’s terrified.

He doesn’t understand what he’s seeing, what he’s feeling, where he is, or even his own existence.

He sees something pale and rough. It has almost a similar structure to the faces he saw when he was brought into the light, but it seems different. The spots on the face do not possess the light or the warmth of the ones that welcomed him into the world. The face was rough, cold, unpleasant. It speaks to him, its sinister voice unsettling the child, threatening peril and misery regardless of the words it uses to mask its threat.

The baby cries.

His mother swoops him into his arms, fretting over him, checking if he’s hungry or soiled. She can’t find a reason why her baby is crying, so she tries to soothe him, coax him back into sleep.

She is unaware of the terrors waiting for her child.

 

He’s seven years old, and the nightmares won’t stop.

The face that has haunted him since before he was born, Snoke as he calls himself, still forces his way into his’s dreams.

Snoke fills his head with awful things. Snoke tells him his mother is avoiding him, working long hours so she doesn’t have to see him, that his father despises him, the power he holds intolerable to his father, that the power inside him makes him destined for greatness, but at the cost of his family, that his uncle wishes to use that power for his own agenda, that he can’t trust anyone but Snoke.

He wakes up sweating, tears pooling in his eyes.

He finds his parents sleeping, one of those increasingly rare occasions that his father is home with them.

He goes to his mother, telling her of the creature in his dreams. She pulls him onto the bed and holds him. His father wakes up, _aren’t you a little old to be doing this_ he asks before dropping his head back onto his pillow, the mother trying to calm the child that has been coming to her several nights a week for the past seven years.

She sends him back to bed tonight, leaving him to face the monster on his own.

 

He’s nine years old, and he’s getting too used to his nightmares.

He’s long since given up on going to his parents for help. He begins to wonder if Snoke is right, that his parents don’t love him. No. His parents love him, he’s sure of it!

Snoke’s mouth twists into a cruel sneer as it fills his head with more lies. At least he thinks they’re lies? It’s too hard to tell when he’s asleep, when his sense of reality is so distorted. He tries to block out the monster, but it’s _everywhere_. He can’t run from it, can’t escape it. He tries to force himself to wake up instead, but he’s still trapped in his own head. He can’t get out. He almost breaks down when there’s a brief flicker of light.

Snoke vanishes. There’s nothing around him in this demonic headspace. For once in his dreams, he feels calm. The cold fear that was gripping him was replaced by a faint warmth.

He wakes up to the morning light filtering into his room, for once feeling rested.

 

He’s ten years old, and the warmth he felt so long ago has gotten stronger.

Snoke still plagues his dreams, but has also started attacking him during the day.

He’s more able to fight off Snoke during the day, but that warmth that has saved him every night for months can’t save him while he’s awake. He tries to block Snoke out, but it’s still as invasive as it is at night. He starts looking forward to sleeping. At least the warmth saves him at night. So when Snoke rears its ugly face, the warmth and its accompanying light, stronger than ever tonight, chase Snoke away.

But before Snoke vanishes, he hears a cry, like a baby. He turns his head to the sound, and the light that usually flashes before ushering in the saving warmth is still burning bright. He’s able to make out a small child, an infant, really, crying, radiating the warmth that he has long thought of as his cure for the plague that is Snoke. He reaches for the baby just as it disappears, leaving the warmth it brought him in its place.

He wakes up confused, the baby forgotten, a faint memory of hazel eyes lingering in its place.

 

He’s fifteen, and he’s heartbroken.

He doesn’t know who this girl is, but he’s thinks he’s seen her in his dreams, and the cries she’s letting out are soul-crushing.

He feels how lonely and lost she is, how heartbroken she is. He doesn’t know why she’s crying, but he wants to make it stop, to make her smile. _That will happen to you,_ Snoke tells him, but he ignores it. He reaches out to the girl, taking her by the hand and pulling her into his arms. She cries into his shoulder and twists her tiny hands into his shirt. He doesn’t know if this girl is real or not, but he promises her everything will be okay.

She pulls back, and he’s looking into the biggest hazel eyes he’s ever seen. He tries to give her a comforting look, but she just turns her face back to his shoulder and continues crying. He pulls away slightly to press his lips against her forehead in a gesture of consolation before tightening his arms around her and letting her cry.

 _I’m here for you, sweetheart_.

He wakes up with tears in his eyes for the first time in years.

 

He’s twenty, and he doesn’t recognize this place.

He’s on an island, no sight of mainland on the horizon. And he’s standing across from a beautiful woman.

Her face expression betrays so many emotions, fear, anger, sadness, pain. Why is she so upset? He tries to get closer to her, but she steps backward, the storm of emotions on her face settling on unadulterated rage. He pauses. He doesn’t know who this woman is, but the anger on her face cuts him. She’s mad because of him, but what could he have done to upset her? Tears begin to form in her hazel eyes-

… _hazel eyes… so familiar…_ He’s seen those eyes before… but where?

She starts shouting at him, listing off horrible deeds that someone had done. Is she accusing _him_ of doing these things, of killing his own father?! 

 _You will fall_ , Snoke’s voice sounds in his head, _and I’ll make you rise_.

He bolts upward, waking to a storm outside that rivals the one in his head.

 

He’s twenty-three, and he’s lost.

His sleep is shallow, unrestful. His mind is still churning over the information he’d learned that very day.

The grandson of Darth Vader. His family had never told him. And now he’s on the run. Flashbacks to earlier that day, how he had destroyed his uncle’s new Order to the best of his abilities are replaying in his dreams. The warmth he’s grown so used to is weak. He’s reaching for it, yearning for the comfort it has brought him to calm the storm, and yet it’s growing weaker. It’s fading, slipping away from him. He hears a cry, like a little girl, shouting out for him. _Where is she, where is the warmth, what am I going to do,_ all sounded off in his head. An image of a little girl with familiar hazel eyes flashed, quickly morphing into a young woman before she disappeared.

 _And now you shall rise_ , Snoke whispered as the woman, and her warmth, completely vanished.

He wakes up, his heart feeling like a dead weight in his chest, the storm in his head raging, as he set his sights on finding Snoke.

 

He’s twenty-seven, and he’s restless.

He hasn’t slept well in four years, but tonight he is particularly troubled.

The vision he saw earlier that day played in his head, but one scene in particular almost felt… _familiar_. The little girl he saw in the vision, the young woman he assumes she’ll become, both possessed the familiar hazel eyes he hasn’t seen in years. He can’t make sense of why she’s in his vision, what connection she has to the lightsaber of his grandfather’s master, nor can he make sense of the connection between his desertion of the new Jedi Order and the lightsaber. Both parts of his vision haunt him more than anything else.

 _Rest, Kylo Ren_ , Snoke demurs, _you will return to your training tomorrow_. Snoke’s training. More grueling than anything he’s ever experienced, but the power is worth the pain, right?

He rises, his body and mind no more rested than when he lay down the night before.

 

He’s twenty-nine, and he’s scared.

He hasn’t dreamt of the warmth in six years, but when he saw _her_ that day, it all came rushing back.

The warmth he’s been missing for six years came flooding back to him when he revealed his face to her, looked into her hazel eyes, the same ones that cried for him when he was little, cry to him when she was abandoned, glared at him on the island, and pleaded with him when he left his uncle. It’s _her_. She’s the warmth, the comfort, _the light_. Those same hazel that had brought him comfort glared at him out of hatred that day.

Old dreams play in his head, recovered from when he dug into her mind. The baby, the little girl, the young woman, every incarnation of _her_ that he had seen in his dreams before the fall. He knows the he’s bonded to this woman, the Force wills it. He’s drawn to her, as he knows she’s drawn to him. Her warmth, her light, fill his dreams. Although his thoughts are racing, he feels a calmness he hasn’t felt in years. He can put a name and a face to that which had protected him from Snoke for so long-

 _Snoke_.

Snoke will be mad. He has failed Snoke, and he knows he will be punished. _You will lose her_ Snoke’s voice threatens. No! He can’t! Not now, now that he finally knows her! _You have done well, but you have still failed me. She will perish by your hand, just as your father has. Or you shall perish by mine._

He startles awake, submerged in a bacta tank. There’s no way for him to escape, not yet.

He’s scared.


	2. Destined from the Very Start

She’s a week old, and for once, she’s safe.

 

She’s sleeping in her own bed for the first time after her difficult birth. She doesn’t know who the boy in her dream is, so she tries to get closer to him.

 

The boy looks unhappy, like he’s trying not to cry. But isn’t it okay to cry? She shuffles closer to him, reaching a hand out and cooing at him. She hears the boy talk, a high-pitched voice trying to sound brave. She turns her head, and sees what must be upsetting the boy. A monster with grotesque scars and pale pink skin stares at the boy. Its voice deep and coarse, and every time it speaks, the boy seems to become more scared. She doesn’t like this monster. It makes her upset.

 

She starts crying. The boy turns toward her and moves like he’s going to pick her up. She reaches for him, staring into his tear-filled brown eyes. Maybe they can protect each other from the monster. She lets out a loud wail, and the boy and the monster disappear.

 

Her mother rocks her back and forth, soothing her before laying her back down to sleep.

 

 

 

She’s three years old, and she’s curious.

 

She thinks she’s seen this boy before, but she isn’t sure.

 

She moves towards him, eager to see if she can recognize him. She finally gets a look at his face, and he seems…sad. He’s taller than her, and definitely older than her. She reaches a hand out to grab the hand hanging by his side. He turns his attention to her and drops down to one knee in front of her. He stares at their connected hands for a moment before looking into her eyes. Brown eyes…why do they look so familiar…

 

Suddenly there’s a chill. Don’t ignore me, boy, a gravelly voice whispers. She’s scared now. She throws herself at the boy, clinging onto his shirt as he wraps his arms around her almost protectively.

 

She gasps as she wakes up, the chill of the voice immediately forgotten, and the warmth of the brown eyes slowly fading.

 

 

 

She’s five years old, and she’s devastated.

 

She can barely sleep, the pain of her parents leaving her still fresh in heart heart.

 

She dreams of them, holding her, playing with her, telling her they love her, abandoning her. No. They said they would come back for her. They’ll be back. Someday. But until then, she has no one to hold her, no one to comfort her. Even in her dreams she breaks down in tears. She misses them. She wants them back. How long are they going to be gone?

 

She feels a hand pull her into a tight embrace. She buries her face into this person’s shirt as he whispers soothing words to her. She pulls away to get a look at him, and she’s greeted with a pair of warm brown eyes. The sympathy they hold for her overwhelms her, and she throws herself back into the boy’s arms.

 

She hears a whisper of I’m here for you, sweetheart, as she wakes up for the first time without her family.

 

 

 

She’s ten years old, and she’s in awe.

 

She gazes at the grass under her feet, the ocean surrounding the island she stands upon. How long has it been since she’s seen anything like this?

 

Standing across from her is a man. Despite his imposing height and sturdy build, he seems almost, apprehensive of her. He seems to wince in pain before the look on his face turns pleading. Why is he looking at her like this? He hesitantly steps toward her. He stops dead in his tracks, though, as a pained expression settles on his face. Is he hurting? What happened to him? She tries to move toward him, but her body seems to do the opposite. Their eyes meet, and she’s floored.

 

Those brown eyes… What happened to this man? His eyes hold so much sadness, pain, remorse, and yet… they’re also so warm, alluring almost…

 

She’s jolted from her sleep by the desert wind beating against her AT-AT home.

 

 

 

She’s thirteen years old, and she’s terrified.

 

Even her dreams are almost too dark to see, and she feels something cold and wet beating down on her.

 

She vaguely recognizes the scent of rain, long forgotten after years in the desert, but it’s drowned out by the stark scent of blood. Around her, she makes out the outlines of bodies lying on the ground. She looks around, horrified. What happened here? Why am I seeing this? The chill around her hurts her skin. This is too real to be a dream. What’s happening? She turns at the sound of a child crying. She runs over to the child, a young boy, and hesitantly reaches out to him. He looks up at her, his eyes staring into hers, before he vanishes. She hears someone behind her. Maybe they’re a survivor. Maybe they’re the killer. They’re getting closer. Rey hesitantly turns her head.

 

She sees a man, face and hands drenched in blood with spatters all over the rest of his body, panting, eyes darting around before settling on her. His eyes resemble the boy’s, brown, oddly familiar, scared. He reaches out to her, and then vanishes.

 

She jerks awake, the smell of sand and metal replacing the rain and blood.

 

 

 

She’s fourteen years old, and she’s lonely.

 

She looks around, looking desperately for…someone, something, she doesn’t know, anything to fill the inexplicable absence.

 

Her dreams as of late have felt…empty for some reason. Like something’s missing. She can’t explain this feeling. She’s been missing her family for years now, but she doesn’t feel like they’re the reason she’s felt so lonely in her dreams for well over a year now. She’s known how that particular loneliness feels for years now. This is something different. She’s felt like this for over a year now. No matter how elaborate her dreams are, they always feel empty. The island she’s been dreaming of for years still brings her comfort, but hasn’t felt the same. Something’s definitely wrong, but she can’t place a finger on it.

 

She looks around her imaginary island, feeling the caress of the breeze and inhaling what she imagines is the scent of the ocean, her favorite comfort feeling inadequate to soothe her loneliness.

 

She wakes up, losing the refuge of her dreams and facing her sad reality.

 

 

 

She’s nineteen years old, and for once, she’s safe.

 

She’s never felt so exhausted in all her life, but she seems to finally be able to rest, no threat of thieves, desert creatures, or sandstorms hanging over her.

 

Despite the overwhelming security she’s enjoying, she can’t these tumultuous past few days out of her head. Why him? The man who killed his own father, almost killed her friend, and kidnapped her, that is what she’s been missing for six years. The boy she saw when she touched the lightsaber the first time seemed familiar, but when she saw the same man from her vision take off his mask and looked into his eyes, she knew. The memories came flooding back, and she’s overwhelmed. He’s the one who comforted her in her sleep until six years ago. What happened then? No. He can’t be. The boy in her dreams was sweet, kind, comforting. This… monster isn’t. He killed his own father, how could he be that boy?

 

And the vision when she touched the lightsaber…she saw so much of him then. That makes sense, the lightsaber does belong to his family, but… why did she see herself as a child? What does she have to do with the lightsaber? The vision, the events on Starkiller Base, her journey to Ahch-to, all of it keeps replaying in her head. Her dreams keep coming back to the man from her dreams, now a reality… It’s still so hard to believe. He takes off his mask again, and she’s looking into those brown eyes she hasn’t seen in years. The little boy she tried to protect when she was an infant, the not-quite-a-man who held her when she lost her family…the man who wiped out the new Jedi…the man who pleaded with her on this very island she’s dreamed of since she was a little girl…

 

Rey…

 

She tries to shut it out.

 

…Stay safe.

 

His odd request puzzles her.

 

But as she wakes up to the sound of her new master, she thinks that shouldn’t be too hard to keep.

 

For once, she’s safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think, feedback is greatly appreciated! 
> 
> I'm planning two multi-chapter fics that follow this one. The first one should be going up within a few weeks!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Chapter 2 should be going up real soon!


End file.
